My...M....Heart

I have been working on a poem for a while. This poem was touching for me because writing it meant I had to relive some past experiences that I was going through and that touched me in a way that I will never forget. Memories have a way of making life seem surreal sometimes and this is one of those times. Opening and sharing how I am really feeling is something I have been experiencing since that moment I felt like life was really wonderful and freeing. Finally the oxygen that I am breathing is really sentimental and as momentous as everything was made to be. No longer do I feel as if I don’t matter. No longer do I yearn to feel the raw emotions that every being around me somehow embellishes. Because I have learned how to feel and how to look at myself in the mirror and truly love myself first; and when I think of all that is and has changed within me; I am overcome with the peace of mind that I was so scared to get lost in but at the same time that sense of melancholy and grief lingers silently and constantly anytime I am alone and lamenting the past. I love so deep and selfishly that it becomes a drug to me and then I get intertwined with wanting and needing to feel, touch, see anything that’s associated with that one particular love. Then it leaves and I am left standing and feeling all alone again. My Heart As I sit here thinking about love so true My face is wet with tears past due What infinite sadness what total lack of courage What misplaced bravery What pain and suffering my heart and “loving” has Put me through. I wish I was strong like I use to be Before love and pain weakened me It hurts it stabs like a sharp blade As the memories we shared were snatched away And are continuously and forcefully made to fade…. In this present moment of reality while these sentimental Feelings remain dormant inside of me My heart, O my heart I cry out to you silently It is the lack of his love which brings me sorrow It is the need for his love that leaves my heart in pain Yet he is not mine he was never mine he will never be mine O my poor heart How can I make you see reason When all you do is show me the truth.