Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The reality of it all

I have been on a journey and it has been a very emotional one. I have'nt had time for anyone not even myself for that matter. I have been working and the hours of my job were very long and I can't help but wonder if it was done intentionally. Needless to say I have met a lot of interesting people and I can't say that they were all very pleasant to be around. If you notice I said "WERE" when describing my hours because Im no longer employed due to my own decison to leave. I had some things that I was dealing with and one of them was not being able to be home with my kids at dinner time, not being able to go to any of my teenager daughter and sons games and not being able to be there for my children when they needed me. I was basically a workaholic by no choice of my own. My children made sure I knew that as well. My husband was also bringing his work home trying to compensate for me not being here when I was needed. Dinner was mostly pizza and take-out and by the time I finally made it home all I wanted a shower and bed just to get up and start the whole thing all over again.This was a never-ending cycle for 6 months until I woke up one morning when I had to be at the office a little later than usual and sat on my bed trying to persuade myself to get dressed and go to work. I couldn't do it anymore. Now my husband and I had a coversation the night before and one of the things he asked me was who are you doing this for? It was then I realized that I didn't know why I was working so much he never told me that our lives depended on me working afterall I had not worked in five years and now I'm hitting the workforce with full force....why? He also said that he has always made my decisions for me and this time he was going to let me make this one for me because this is your life and this is your journey and whatever is going on with you or whatever your dealing with I can't decide or change that for you. And now I'm back sitting on my bed the next morning trying to persuade myself why I should get up and return to my job. It was hard but I managed to go in and finish my morning calls and then go to lunch only to not return. And that is the short version of why I am able to pick up where  I left off with my blog. So I am happy to be back!!!! and I have so much going on now because I now have a new appreciation for my life. I have'nt done any writings and I have a painting I have been working on but its not quite complete. I want to write a poem for it.....sooooooo....stay tuned!!!

1 comment:

  1. Even though this is a difficult decision for you, I love that you can be so honest about it. I know staying home can be a tough decision. I was a stay at home mom for 17 years. When I went back into the work force I chose to work part time, so I would be there in the morning to take my children to school and I'm off before they get out. If your husband supports you coming home, in my opinion you should. Somethings we don't get to do over, so be there for them now. Also for yourself.