Today is a special day for me but I woke up feeling the same as I usually do. I know I should be thankful for seeing another year, oh! I forgot to mention that it is my birthday. But I have all these emotions and I am trying to keep a positive outlook on my life and many more years to come for me. I can't help but to be sad because this is the day that my older sister passed away and I guess that's why when someone tells me happy birthday I can't truely be happy because that happiness that I remember was bypassed by everyones sadness on this day 5 years ago. I can't feel happiness when all I can remember is sadness. Its rough and I know its been 5 years but I don't think its fair that in order for anyone to remember my birthday they will never forget it because it was the day that a wonderful beautiful angel was called home to be with the lord. I miss my sister very much and I am deeply saddened because she was the only one who was always more happier than I was when it was even close to my birthday. I wish she was here to tell me happy birthday and to make me smile like she always did. I wrote a poem in memory of her and I managed to finish it even while I was crying. This poem is for you Tinka I miss you so much and I know you are with me even when I feel alone. I love you.
In a sense her life is shown
through a lense....
in a series of lessons,
that will leave permanent depressions.
Lessons of love and pain,
of truth and despair;
some are forgotten
some repeatedly prepare;
her being to handle with delicate care,
while destined for a youthful escape
leaving the sheltered quarters of
child-like familiar places...
Emerging beauty reveals the wisdom and the
woman she has become.
She emerges tall and toned and heavy boned,
strong yet gentle with a speck of complex,
she can be the head of her household,
while she controls the neck.
Full lips and brown sugar skin,
contributes from many generations of ethnic women.
She can love you and still be hateful,
she is caring blessed and sincerely grateful,
of the heritage that was passed down generationally,
and will continue to define who she is eternally.