Thursday, September 16, 2010

Just saying how I really feel

Today has been a good day for me. I did my daily activities as usual, but because I have time to think about my life and everything in it; I really want to just vent out about some issues I have had with people in the past. I think that once I do, I will be over it. One issue I have is with churches and people in it preferably women. The reason being is that most churches I have ever attended always had more women than men in them. These women always seem to be the influence on how the church is being ran. Makes you wonder how things are when they are home. They are probably running things there too. Anyhow, back to the churches. It seems as though a silent audition begins once you enter. The audition is to see who can be the most holiest and deep person that can bring the most influence on being followed which means being part of a clique which also turns into who can be the first to gain the most attention from the Pastor and his wife. This is how I see it. Some people may not agree and that's fine but in the end it is what it is no matter how you word it. I have never been one to follow after someone else. I have always been a individual who has a mind and an opinion about everything. I see things like they really are and most times I don't want to admit it. People have a hard time with that but once again it is what it is. I remember a time when I was a part of that  mind frame and I was torn between what I felt was oh so wrong , and what was really right. In the end I ended up where I needed to be and I am happy and free from all the drama and the competitions. I can say that I will never understand why people have to be that way? Don't they realize that it makes others feel like they are beneath them? I guess not. Its almost like it is part of a circle that keeps repeating and getting bigger and smaller as casualties come and go. It's sad that people put a standard on how you should worship and how you should believe. I am not saying that I am perfect because I am just another imperfect human, but I do make sure I try to do what is right for the sake of my children. I don't want them growing up and growing away from our beliefs because of what they have seen their parents and other adults do when they were children. I have seen it happen so many times and the children in these situations end up resenting their parents because of it. I especially want my daughter to learn from me and become the free spirit that I am. What I mean by free is I want her to be who she was born to be. I don't want her being what she feels everyone including me expects her to be. I can say that she has really been paying attention to me because when her dad and her have conversations about how I was when we were dating, he tells her that I was a very unique individual. I was different. I never was the same person. You could always tell in the crazy clothes I wore! LOL!.... OK... so I was a flower child/ hippy. I loved the idea of  existing on earth. My mom had concerns about it but hey, I turned out ok.  But....I don't want my daughter to think she can relive my youth and I certainly would embrace her spirit if she did. I did some crazy things but I enjoyed every minute of it! LOL! who knew!

I loved colors and so does she! but sometimes I can see that she is growing into her own person and I kinda feel sad but happy at the same time! My boys are the same way but they are more like the conservative type just like their dad. He wasn't always like that, how do you think we met???LOL! another blog another time!
well I guess I better get off and let my son do some homework.

feel free to comment if you like, and if it doesn't make sense to you well just remember....I was just saying how I feel, and sometimes it never makes sense but that's who I am and no one will ever change that. 

No comments:

Post a Comment