Monday, July 5, 2010
I am trying to deal with an affair that I had long ago. The subject decided to show up unexpectedly and stir up some old feeling that I thought I was over. It all started this weekend when I decided to go to a birthday party in Charleston SC with a friend of mine.I knew it would probably be a bad idea because I knew what started the affair and that was from a party.Anyhow, I wasn't to sure if I wanted to go so as it began to get close to the day of the party I just didn't call her and ask if she still wanted me to go with her.As the time started winding down and as I was watching the clock hoping that she wasn't going to call me to go.....the phone rings! Yes, and it was my friend wanting to know if I still wanted to go. Before I knew it I said "yes". Now in my mind, I knew it was a bad idea. I remembered what happened the last time I went to a birthday party. Needless to say, things were not good. Well I went and everything seemed to be going great. The food was good the company was definitely good everything was going good. I was having a great time meeting new people and listening to them talk about their everyday lives and things that took place in them. Well that's when things starting changing. When I turned around and looked the subject (whom we will call "C") was being put by the table near me! "C" had so much control over me and now was sitting on the edge of the table trying to get my attention. I didn't give in.I just ignored the need to be close to "C". But as the realization that "C" was there I began to perspire and all of a sudden my heart beat was so loud that the person I was talking to was nothing but the imitation of a mime carrying on a conversation that in real time no one could hear. As I try to contain myself my eyes would shift back and forth staring at "C" and acting as if I'm interested in the now silent conversation going on in front of me. I finally had to excuse myself and go outside for some fresh air and to decide how I was going to handle the situation at hand. I know how I'm feeling and how these feeling take over me whenever I see the subject (that will remain nameless.) What did I do? is the only question that is the focus at this point. Well I decided to go back inside and by this time everyone was circled around "C" and carrying on a conversation about how good "C" looked.I knew this would buy me some time from "C" to get it together and act like I had some sense about me when it was apparent that I would have my time to take part and converse about things I liked most about "C". Finally it was my turn to join everyone to be a part of what this whole party was really about..."C"......Now "C" is definitely a ladies dream, showing up at the right times and making it hard to depart on most. Leaving many speechless because of the comfort that exudes once departing the lips and entering and leaving nothing but sweet goodness and craving for more! Oh! how I wanted to experience the moist creamy satisfaction of cake that makes me want to literally do a dance that I made up one night when we were alone after a long indulgence and decadent moment of bliss! Well I almost fell apart once I was in front of "C"! I held it together though because the way people were acting it seemed like they really didn't want me to have a part of "C".I wanted to take all of "C" but I knew that being a ladies dream didn't exclude all the other women and it just meant me, so I pulled myself away and even though I was slightly irritated, because I was the guest I got more than most. We finally left after a while and on the way home all I thought about is how things could have turned out when I saw "C". I had to tell my husband that "C" was there because he knows how much of a problem it was for us to stay away from each other in the past.He was genuinely concerned and asked if I had done anything to embarrass him. I said that I handled myself well considering the past relationship I had with "C".He agreed.