Sunday, May 30, 2010

finding me

I woke up this morning and for some reason I still feel the same way I have been feeling every morning.....blah. It must be the stagnation that is starting to get to me... the stagnation of my life and the every day routine that I have grown so use too. I miss a lot of things about me. I miss working and being productive in a place other than my home. I need to refocus my life and find that passion that is slowly dying. It's time to add some fuel to it! get it burning as high as I can because that is what I am....a flame burning so high that it touches the sky. Don't get me wrong I love where life has taken me. I have accomplished so much, but the need to have that feeling is arising and its like and itch that needs to be scratched. I now have to decide what it is that I want to do. Whatever it is, it is going to be something that I know is a part of my life's goals....something like painting for starters. I love art and design. That's what I think I 'll start off with! My life has been such an emotional roller coaster.That's only because I allowed it to be, just like I allowed other things that involved anything and anyone else to dictate me. It's time to celebrate me and make time for me. When I think about it women are always looking for appreciation. It doesn't matter if you are married, single, a mother, a lover..etc. We are always looking for self worth. Now many women make a big deal about holidays because anytime a gift or any type of acknowlegement is a part of it let's face it...we want our props. God forbid if the people closest to us forgets. It's almost like its the end of the world! But, see that's where I am different. I personally believe that women were created for lot's of reasons and just because a holiday like Mother's day was created doesn't mean that we all of a sudden become supreme beings. Women we have to learn to celebrate ourselves! It's not up to a holiday! I love my family but at the end of the day, no matter how many homemade gifts, romantic nights out, they will never be able to give back the sacrifices of my life that I chose to give freely to them. Since the beginning of time, we have always had to sacrifice. It's time to find" me" and what "matters to me." I am determined and I will be searching wholeheartedly.

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