Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I am in a very calm place in my life right now. I always think of where I could be and and where I am when I look at a painting that my dear artist of a husband painted for me. I like how he just placed it on a wall of its own when we moved into our third home. It amazes me that every time when I want a bit of peace I can sit down on the cold leather sofa and gaze up at that painting and see the calmness that somehow manages to stick out of the chaos of the painting. I love everything it stands for! I love knowing that I have a wonderful artist of a husband and that one day his works of art will be scattered throughout the homes of many art enthusiasts. Its funny how I got all of that out of just looking at one painting pressed up against a white wall. I also have memories of all sorts playing in my head as I am sitting on the not so cold leather sofa that is starting to acclimate to my body temperature..... as I am quietly thinking and staring at this painting, I have memories about my departed sister and how she could tell me anything and I would believe her. She could tell me stories that were formed into things and circumstances that were so real that could not be nothing but the truth. Looking back on things now I must say that I had a very vivid imagination! She told me stories about care bears bringing me treats if I took a nap! to pre-recorded shows like" Like Little House on the Prairie" stopping in the middle of recording because of some strange happenings that came out of nowhere! all of which you just had to be there at that precise moment she was to see it. Yes, my sister knew how to make it all right when my dad was not around, when he just stopped being a part of our lives. She always gave me the belief and the reassurance that she would always be there. And she was until that cold day in November of 2006 the day of the 28......which happens to be my birthday. I snap out of it! I jump up and I walk around and try to distract myself! put my mind on something else!.....suddenly folding four loads of clothes doesn't seem so bad. I don't want to go to that place again where another person I loved has left me. I am calm....I snap back into reality......I leave the laundry where it is and I realize that I am that painting! I am the chaos created within me! and the thick straight line of normalcy and the calmness of the beige color it is;amidst the chaos going on.....That's me.